I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
