Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
