You just made me feel so damn special
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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