I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
