You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
