Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
