We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
