You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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