is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
