Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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