i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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