We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize