eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
