With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize