I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
