You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
