You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
