Swine flu. Run for my life!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
