Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
