I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
