My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
