we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
