pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
