3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
