hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
