dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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