I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
