That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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