fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
