So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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