she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It was confusing and full of hummus
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
