my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
