for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize