franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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