just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just found puke in my bra..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
