i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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