The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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