I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
