The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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