Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Houston, we have a squirter
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
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