peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
