he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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