well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
try to milk me bitch
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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