Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
