I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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