I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
