So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
