someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize