i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
