he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
