you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
