I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
not ubering you a puppy
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
