i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
