trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
