my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
