i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
