I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
