you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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