just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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