You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
love makes seman taste better
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
