We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
