I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
