people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize