The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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