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God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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