...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize