Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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