is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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