Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
