I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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