my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
That reminds me...we need to get swords
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
