I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
