My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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